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Friday, January 5th, 2007
2:18 pm - WomanSavers.com

Dear Ass-wipe,

I posted you on http://www.womansavers.com for all the world to see how you cheated on me and hurt me emotionally and physically. I pray that you will never hurt another but I know because you are good looking and charming, another prey will fall trap in your web of lies.

Someday a greater power will judge you but until that time I will let the world know my story.

Forever Scarred

current mood: disappointed

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Tuesday, October 24th, 2006
11:46 pm

So we never even dated. He kinda just called me, we made out a couple of times and then he bailed. At first I was mad at him but looking back on it what could have really formed from it all. There was no connection, spark and only mild attraction. I have no idea why I even bothered! I`m 22. It was soooo high school. I guess I`m just bored. I work all the time so I needed something half way interesting to happen in my life. I just wish, if I was going to going to waste my time in such a juvenille way, I would have wasted it on someone I could have actually had a good time with.

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Wednesday, March 23rd, 2005
11:55 pm - I told You So,It's a crazy world for a mixed up guy & a no good girl.....


O.K., I know this may not be the most on the subject rant, but I have a question for you all. I have been going over this in my mind all week. I was talking with one of my Ex's, and it came up in conversation that she cannot be friends with a guy unless she expects something to eventually "happen" between her and the bloke. Unless there is the real possibility for there to be a relationship with them, she just can't be bothered. To this end, her being bisexual as well, the same applies to most attractive girls, or those she knows are gay or bi. We talked about this for quite some time before she came to the conclusion, that men & women cannot be friends. Either one or the other will always want more. In which case, one of two things will happen, they will come to a mutual attraction, and a relationship will develop, or one of the two will continue to long for the other in vain, only to be hurt by the fact that the desired person doesn't return the affections, or in some cases even acknowledge them. For the most part, her point was that Men & Women simply cannot be friends. Each side will always have their own true agendas at heart, the will always be pursuing these ends no matter what.

Now I cannot seem to agree with this reasoning. I think that men & women can be just friends & get along without any such agendas, or anything else other than a mutual friendship between the two. Admittedly, In the past I have slept with quite a bit of my friends, but I fail to see how the two sexes cannot simply coexist as friends and nothing more.

 I lay the question out to you all; Can Men & Women be just friends??? I hope you all have a little more insight into this ..................................tanks

current mood: contemplative

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Wednesday, June 9th, 2004
3:59 pm

the girl in the conversation, we'll call her Zen, is a bit slutty... all names can be linked back to their respective LJ's.

feel free to discuss it though

ZenLovesMe (11:57:44 PM): hey
ShindaYume926 (11:57:52 PM): hi
ZenLovesMe (11:58:20 PM): what ya doin?
ShindaYume926 (11:58:27 PM): drinking
ShindaYume926 (11:58:31 PM): why?
ShindaYume926 (12:02:41 AM): not that you care anyway...
ZenLovesMe (12:04:24 AM): what's wrong?
ShindaYume926 (12:05:18 AM): im an alcoholic fuckup
ShindaYume926 (12:05:34 AM): and darla hates me because the one time i cant be there for her because of my own problems
ShindaYume926 (12:05:42 AM): i can never see sarah
ShindaYume926 (12:05:48 AM): everything is wrong
ShindaYume926 (12:07:08 AM): im tired of everything
ShindaYume926 (12:07:12 AM): o and i wanna tell you something
ZenLovesMe (12:07:20 AM): ??
ShindaYume926 (12:08:34 AM): you and darla are always welcome at my house you know that... but next time i see yer dick, darlas breast... hell even darlas bras... im kicking you both out forever... you come over here and ignore me... you use me... whether you mean to or not,t hats what yer doing... i do everything i can for darla... but wheni need help she doesnt give a fuck because im not good enough... im not you
ShindaYume926 (12:09:31 AM): im tired of always being there for people and having NOBODY there for me
ShindaYume926 (12:12:03 AM): i dont see what the fuck darla got so mad at me about cause i couldnt go with her this weekend... i had to fucking talk to a parole officer
ShindaYume926 (12:12:25 AM): if i didnt talk to him i know for sure theyre would be a cop at darlas house waiting for me when we gotr home
ShindaYume926 (12:13:18 AM): she fucking told me she hated just because for ONCE i had to deal with my own problems and not hers
ShindaYume926 (12:13:53 AM): o well none of that matters its in the past i guess
ShindaYume926 (12:15:40 AM): nothing matters anymore does it?
ShindaYume926 (12:15:57 AM): can i ask you something?
ZenLovesMe (12:16:03 AM): yes
ShindaYume926 (12:16:06 AM): how long do you think you and darla will last? honestly
ZenLovesMe (12:16:22 AM): i really don't know
ShindaYume926 (12:16:44 AM): you cant honestly say everything is the same now as it was when you started dating can you?
ZenLovesMe (12:17:00 AM): no
ZenLovesMe (12:17:29 AM): i've fucked up your friendship with her
ShindaYume926 (12:17:37 AM): no you didnt do that
ShindaYume926 (12:17:39 AM): she did
ShindaYume926 (12:17:51 AM): all she did was use me to help her get through rough times when she was depressed
ShindaYume926 (12:18:00 AM): then she met you and wasnt depressed anymore so she no longer needed me
ZenLovesMe (12:18:02 AM): if she would have never met her, you two would probably be still really good friends
ZenLovesMe (12:18:28 AM): if i^
ShindaYume926 (12:18:35 AM): i doubt it
ShindaYume926 (12:18:42 AM): she would of found someone else and blew me off
ZenLovesMe (12:19:47 AM): and everytime you two are together, you get along fine... but when i'm around she gets mad at you
ShindaYume926 (12:21:10 AM): shes a user
ShindaYume926 (12:21:19 AM): i dont know if she means to or not
ShindaYume926 (12:21:22 AM): but she uses people
ShindaYume926 (12:21:33 AM): most times i dont think she knows she does it
ZenLovesMe (12:21:49 AM): is she using me?
ShindaYume926 (12:21:59 AM): she gets mad at me all the time and yells at me... but when i get midly irritated at her and say something... she gives me a fucking guolt trip
ShindaYume926 (12:23:11 AM): i really dont know... shes fucking obsessed with you... hell i dont know how much love is even left... if you went without seeing her for 2 weeks because you had other stuff to do.. i GURANTEE you shed dump you
ShindaYume926 (12:24:07 AM): if she cant get her way every fucking second of every day.... she pushes everyone away
ShindaYume926 (12:24:41 AM): she needs to fucking wake upo
ZenLovesMe (12:25:11 AM): well, she is going to florda for 2 weeks and i can't go because my dad is having back surgery
ShindaYume926 (12:26:00 AM): how much fucking trust and love can there be when she starts sayinf shit like "he hates me" "hes cheating on me" when yer 30 fucking minutes late to pick her up... when one girl comments on how you look she goes ballistic...
ShindaYume926 (12:26:27 AM): shes gonna fucking rip out yer heart and yer soul
ShindaYume926 (12:27:23 AM): has darla ever told you she hears voices?
ZenLovesMe (12:27:44 AM): yeah..
ShindaYume926 (12:27:54 AM): ah you mean she finally told you?
ZenLovesMe (12:28:15 AM): oh, wait.... you told me
ZenLovesMe (12:28:18 AM): a long time ago
ShindaYume926 (12:28:19 AM): thought so
ShindaYume926 (12:28:37 AM): she wont tell you... about christine, cindy, and tingo.... shows how much trust she has
ShindaYume926 (12:28:56 AM): remember that shit a long time ago when i fingered her?
ShindaYume926 (12:29:03 AM): wanna hear the part that nobody told you?
ZenLovesMe (12:29:03 AM): yeah
ZenLovesMe (12:29:09 AM): yes
ShindaYume926 (12:29:15 AM): she fucking pushed my hand in her pants... and rolled over on top of me
ShindaYume926 (12:29:53 AM): she unbuttoned her pants
ShindaYume926 (12:29:57 AM): she pulled them down some
ShindaYume926 (12:30:00 AM): she lifted her shirt
ShindaYume926 (12:30:02 AM): i went along
ShindaYume926 (12:30:06 AM): my fault to go along
ShindaYume926 (12:30:45 AM): how much faith and trust does she have in you? she wont tell you her secrets, she goes ballistic when yer late or someone says something complimenting you
ShindaYume926 (12:31:01 AM): and have you ever noticed how bitchy she gets when another girl is around?
ShindaYume926 (12:31:05 AM): or when i talk about another girl
ShindaYume926 (12:31:07 AM): not just sarah
ShindaYume926 (12:31:14 AM): she did the same with every girl ive ever talked about
ShindaYume926 (12:32:03 AM): and EVERY time things get where she cant handle them... she fucking starts making people feel bad for her
ShindaYume926 (12:32:10 AM): im tired of always being there and getting nothing in return
ShindaYume926 (12:34:00 AM): wanna hear some more fucked up shit?! she tells me shes my friend sometimes... she acts nice... hell i know like 4 people shes said shit to behind my back... shes fucking told people she thought i was a stalker and wish id die
ShindaYume926 (12:34:56 AM): ive held everything in and pushed it off... always being there for her as much as i can... i cant hold it in anymore
ShindaYume926 (12:37:04 AM): i dont maybe things will change... and you and her might be happy or some shit... but whatever happens... i dont want anything to do with her anymore
ShindaYume926 (12:39:37 AM): enjoy it while it last

Auto response from ZenLovesMe (12:39:37 AM): ::wants to die::

look, theres a poll too..

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Thursday, February 19th, 2004
1:57 pm - heartache

*sigh* i know that he is doing everything in his power to get me to leave him. i am finally seeing reality, and i don't want to deal with it. that is the thing... he IS DONE WITH ME. by the possesions of naked tits that i just found in our room just now, is for one. ignoring me, playing his star wars game is second. no sex is a final. honestly i just don't know why i kept trying to cling myself towards him. he even gets so happy when he sees his brother's girlfriend. he talks to her, as if she was his best friend. and with me, i am just the wind waiting to pass by LITERALLY, if you know what i mean.

this morning, i woke up, and noticed the reality of it. he doesn't want me. he wants to jerk off alone. be by himself. play star wars. talk to his friends. sometimes i envy him to have no emotions when it comes to me. i wish i had the strength to ignore him, and not feel a damn thing. but me, like a wuss, i cried on the couch, thinking of the time when he held me in his arms, staring at stars, hearing him say,"i love you". i cried even more today. then i tell myself, he isn't worth making you feel pain. just let him go, let him be. you will be just fine, in fact, i you can feel happier once you know that he is gone.

my weakness is, co-dependancy. sadly i must admit finally. i need to know that someone loves me. and to be loved in return. i just want to be held. yeah, i know im ranting. but i guess this is the only place to rant. this is the only place where i can't hide my feelings. where im sure people feel offended to read it, because it is so personal. trust me, once this shit is finally over, i may rant about how i feel depressed, because i have no one. but after all of that, i will be my happy self once again. i can be me once again. i will be extra cautious not to give my heart away to anyone that i feel isn't worthy of my love. especially bastards that make me feel the most insecure. what makes me the most insecure? hmm, gee i wonder, #1 ignoring me #2 talk about how other girls make a guy so happy that isn't me #3 owing material that is either pornographic, or nude, peferably of women. those three things throw me off, turn me off, and i turn into a horrifying nag. to where i make that guys life impossible to live without hearing me say a few things like, "your an asshole" "how can you do this to me?"

but yet i am always criticized, and called names. suddenly my reputation is of a girl who is amazingly insane.

current mood: crushed

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Thursday, November 27th, 2003
11:18 pm

Hey im new here, and well I'm going to bitch. I love my boyfriend with all my heart, but being in a relationship is a two way thing. and right now, im on a one way street driving. It's long distance.

I thought he loved me?? I thought he cared. Guess not.
You can't fucking call me on my birthday so you send me a fucking email a day late and say happy belated birthday????? No I'm sorry or anything!
You call that love asswipe? Sorry maybe we have different definitions.
I have been trying to get in contact with you since Sunday when I talked to you for 3 minutes and it was a pointless conversation. You were playing video games and getting a CD player put in your car. Im happy for you really, but, I hope it was worth it.
I'm sick, and you don't know it. Mentally and physically. I swore to myself that this would be different, but you're just like every other guy. You make me think I'm more to you than life itself, then pull some shit and make me feel like crap. That's what I'm thankful for this Thanksgiving. Asshole. I never thought in a million years that I would cry over you. I pray for your happiness every night and well, I'm hoping your happy so my tears weren't cried in vain. It's hard not to see you, and you know that this LD thing is hard for me. But you still don't attempt to call me. It just seems to me like you don't care. Maybe I'm wrong, I hope I am. People are surprised we made it this long, and I am too. This is the first relationship that I truely and honsetly haven't cheated on a guy with one of my ex's. I'm so proud of myself, and well, you prolly don't care about that. But it's a step for me.
So you're finding yourself still....
Well, while you're looking, figure out whether you want me in your life or not. It hurts when you don't call, I've cried myself to sleep for the past week because of it. I'm not even sure if you realize how hurt I am. I've had a major cold for the past week too. Do you know this? Prolly, but only cuz I left another message on your answering machine and told you that i was. But i asked you to call me, and you didnt, so, well, my guess is, you didnt care. I find time for you out of my busy schedule, I swear I make time for you. And I've gotten in troubl many a time in order to spend time with you on the phone.
Oh, and did you even know my mom got surgery done? Yea, she got a tumor removed from her back. So, I pretty much have taken over as the mother in the house. I'm worn out and torn, and I can't talk to you about it cuz i can never fucking get in contact with you.
I'm finished calling you, I'm tired of being sad, I don't wanna be sad anymore. So if for some reason you see this, and have any feelings to call me, please feel free to do so. I'm home all day. I can't guarantee that I'll pick up the phone. (You know I will though) :'(

I wrote that to him sorta. Any suggestions on what to do?

current mood: crappy

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Monday, June 30th, 2003
8:32 pm

To hell with this. I've been without a boyfriend for a year, and I had a live-in girlfriend for two months. After the first month, she went from politely asking me to do something, to just assuming that I would do it for her.

She totally took advantage of my want to make her happy.

I can't even believe her. She disrespected me in so many ways that it wasn't even funny. And when she -- for once in her goddamn life -- would take long enough to get the hell off of the computer, she'd demand attention from me. As if I were only there to answer her every beck and call! It's my house, and here she is, not paying me a cent to stay with me, and just.......... MOOCHING off of what little money I have!

I think I had the right to spend a week avoiding contact with her.

I'm so close to just swearing off of love and relationships as a whole. Fuck guys. Fuck girls.

I'm A-sexual.

current mood: cynical

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Tuesday, April 29th, 2003
1:31 pm

Ugh... my mom and her friend Jamie found out that I don't have a prom date.. so now they're trying to set me up on blind dates with people.

I don't even KNOW these guys!! e_e

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Tuesday, April 15th, 2003
4:24 pm - hello

Im new n' whatnot.

Nifty stuff.

current mood: artistic

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Tuesday, March 4th, 2003
5:45 am - :) to vent...

Why does every girl I know have to a borderline on a psychosis, or worse? Fuck thosse bitches. They can all suck my asshole, except for the ones that already did. :(

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Monday, March 3rd, 2003
7:30 pm - Son of a...

My last break-up went so smoothly that my usual "I'M FREE!! FINALLY FREE!!!!" period was drastically shortened. Sure, I still have the friendship... but goddammit. Now I have to deal with loneliness.

My calendar's full, but full of conventions.

Maybe I'll meet someone there..


current mood: lonely

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5:13 pm - Testing, Testing, 1-2-3......

Please, begin your bitching! Join and feel the love......

....or lack thereof.

current mood: amused

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