Nara Daska (naradaska) wrote in foilsucks,
Nara Daska
naradaska
foilsucks

  • Mood:
  • Music:

heartache

*sigh* i know that he is doing everything in his power to get me to leave him. i am finally seeing reality, and i don't want to deal with it. that is the thing... he IS DONE WITH ME. by the possesions of naked tits that i just found in our room just now, is for one. ignoring me, playing his star wars game is second. no sex is a final. honestly i just don't know why i kept trying to cling myself towards him. he even gets so happy when he sees his brother's girlfriend. he talks to her, as if she was his best friend. and with me, i am just the wind waiting to pass by LITERALLY, if you know what i mean.

this morning, i woke up, and noticed the reality of it. he doesn't want me. he wants to jerk off alone. be by himself. play star wars. talk to his friends. sometimes i envy him to have no emotions when it comes to me. i wish i had the strength to ignore him, and not feel a damn thing. but me, like a wuss, i cried on the couch, thinking of the time when he held me in his arms, staring at stars, hearing him say,"i love you". i cried even more today. then i tell myself, he isn't worth making you feel pain. just let him go, let him be. you will be just fine, in fact, i you can feel happier once you know that he is gone.

my weakness is, co-dependancy. sadly i must admit finally. i need to know that someone loves me. and to be loved in return. i just want to be held. yeah, i know im ranting. but i guess this is the only place to rant. this is the only place where i can't hide my feelings. where im sure people feel offended to read it, because it is so personal. trust me, once this shit is finally over, i may rant about how i feel depressed, because i have no one. but after all of that, i will be my happy self once again. i can be me once again. i will be extra cautious not to give my heart away to anyone that i feel isn't worthy of my love. especially bastards that make me feel the most insecure. what makes me the most insecure? hmm, gee i wonder, #1 ignoring me #2 talk about how other girls make a guy so happy that isn't me #3 owing material that is either pornographic, or nude, peferably of women. those three things throw me off, turn me off, and i turn into a horrifying nag. to where i make that guys life impossible to live without hearing me say a few things like, "your an asshole" "how can you do this to me?"

but yet i am always criticized, and called names. suddenly my reputation is of a girl who is amazingly insane.
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic
  • 0 comments